“Sin is like a tight pair of shoes – it makes a man mean and miserable, ‘n’ he won’t find no rest ‘til he gits rid of it.” 

“The best time to pass the buck is when they’re passin’ the offerin’ pan.”

“A watch maker is the only feller that should have time on his hands.” 

“When the weak trip to Church on Sunday, they trip less through the week.”

“A smile is somethin’ you can keep and give away at the same time.” 

“A lotta these modern preacher fellers give their folks a massage ‘stead of a message.” 

“‘It’s funny how folks’ll answer a doorbell fer a salesman, ‘n’ a telephone bell fer a wrong number, but ignore a church bell when God comes fer a Sunday visit.” 

“When a feller’s doin’ his best to reach his goal, run interference, don’t kick!”

“A salesman would starve to death if he didn’t mention his product anymore than some Christians speak of Christ.”

“Some folks pray for the sick to make ‘em well; others prey on the well to make ‘em sick.” 

“A feller can’t settle down in peace until he settles up his past.”

“A lotta folks are just like the Easter Bunny. They hop out with a lot of bright colors, then disappear until next Easter.” 

“Siteeations are like socks – they got a way of being turned wrong side out or put on the other foot. Better be kind to the other feller; ye might need a little kindness yerself tomorry.” 

“When we thank the Lord fer givin’ us salvation, He never says, ‘Don’t mention it.’ He wants us to tell it to everbody!” 

“Wouldn’t you hate to be some folks? They have to live with themselves all the time!”

“A false teacher and his scholars usually wind up jumpin’ to the same confusion.”

“These here churches with a lotta empty seats and sour faces aughta put up a sign, ‘Room and Bored’.” 

“Some folks git the worry habit so much, they sometimes worry cause they’ve fergot what it was they was worryin’ about.” 

“If our generation is a bit better’n this un comin’ on, it’s probably ‘cause ours was a dad-burned generation. Dad burned our hides more’n once when we was out of line.”

“Enny feller who is always down in the mouth will wind up down in ‘defeat’.”

“The way some folks monkey around, no wonder them perfesser fellers try to teach evolution.” 

“Bad ideas are kinda like dandruff – they fall from a feller’s head ‘n’ clutter up the place.”

“The feller who says he started off with a bang may mean he had a flat before he got into gear.” 

“Some folks give money ‘n’ some give service, ‘n’ some jest a wad of gum under the seat.”

“Ole Lige Buckner has been conservin’ energy all his life!”  

“It’s harder fer a preacher to fill a church pew then fer a dentist to fill a kid’s holler tooth!” 

“If we had to count all our blessings, we’d all flunk math!”  

“It’s an insult to the snake to call some folk a viper!” 

“If ye don’t have the fire, don’t try to warm the world.”